He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
