please come you make the beer taste better
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
