the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
