when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
