I hate all girls vehemently.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
