If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
