Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He? As in you personified your dick?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
