Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
