Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
