This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
