dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
