Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
