I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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