Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
