my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
