The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
