I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
