I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
