Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
