She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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