all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
