you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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