oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
