Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
