i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
