saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
