My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
