She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My bed smells like the plague
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
