I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
