Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
