Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
