I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
