Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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