he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
