You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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