and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
