Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
