They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
