i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
