you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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