It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
