We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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