OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
