Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
