when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
