Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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