the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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