He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
