Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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