apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
