I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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