Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
