I'm going to jail i love you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
