I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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