I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
