I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
